You Know the Utobi
Beware the utobi.
What does an utobi look like? They may have had eyes once, but its been so long since they saw outside of their own desires that they loss use for them. The lids have sealed shut and grown smooth with the peepers trapped inside. They turned reality over so many times that their head of hair grows off the bottom instead of the top like a long, black, silky beard. They have no feet because the fears they harvest from you are never grounded in fact. They wear a shawl to wrap you tightly in. It keeps you still and separated from the rest of the world. They have long, sharp fingers that latch onto your innards and they never let go, if they can help it.
If you do not recognize the utobi by now, then you have not been watching the outskirts of your vision closely enough. The utobi has been with you for as long as you have held conscious thought and welcomed it into your home. It stands beside you, waiting for the next moment that you delve somewhere deep and uncomfortable in your mind. Tonight, when you snuggle into your sheets and wait for sleep to find you, the utobi will already be there waiting in the darkness. It will whisper to you everything you did today that was human and normal and reveal to you with dreadful clarity your every treacherous flaw.
If you have dreams, they will taint them with doubt. If you have loved ones, you will imagine life without them and feel your power slipping away in the face of this inevitability. Your shoulders will begin curling in and your brain will fill with panic. You will toss and turn and notice the uncomfortable warmth of your pillow. Funny, flipping it over will not sooth you. As the hours crawl by you will find yourself rubbing at a tightening in your chest and finally realize that an unwelcome guest has been hanging there.
Oh, the horror of it all. Is there any escape from this creature of doubt incarnate? How can you rid yourself of the utobi? It is difficult to say if anyone ever has. They are a personal demon, after all. They are intertwined with your soul and always waiting to be fed. They gain strength in the constant battle between your self and your thoughts. They enthusiastically fish in the depths of your memory and once they hook something worthwhile, they wont stop until you are left reeling.
In all that is good and right in this world, why does the utobi exist? What could it possibly want? Simple. It wants you safe. That is what it will tell you. It wants you free of faults. It demands perfection and clarity and for you to be better and wiser and more well-liked than everyone around you. In fact, on some days, it will not let you leave the house, maybe not even leave the bed because it knows you are not ready. It fears you will never be ready so there it will keep you as life and opportunities and happiness pass you by… Because who needs happiness when you could be the best?